I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
