How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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