i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
