I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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