ugly people sure do ruin things
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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