that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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