her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
