I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
