There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
