I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The air was thick with penises
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
