We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
