Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
