Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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