do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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