You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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