what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
