i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
