You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
