you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
