I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
