Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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