exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
