Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
