rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
only you would photoshop your dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
