he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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