Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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