Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
