I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
where are you?
Hypothermia
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
