You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
