He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize