She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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