On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
