Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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