Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
