DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
