so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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