I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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