Please, let me fuck your mom
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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