This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
