wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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