how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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