There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
