He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
