you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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