don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
