my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
