I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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