He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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