Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
