so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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