just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
