how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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