I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
