in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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