I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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