Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
