my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
