I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
