I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
