I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Duck Duck Cougar?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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