just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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