can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
