Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
