we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
