It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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