i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
