mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
