so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
did you just send me my own nude
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
