I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
